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Honesty and integrity between women.

October 27, 2013

In Melissa T. Shultz’s blog post in the HuffPost entitled, “Why Women Friends Don’t Tell Each other the Truth,” she talked about the reasons why women are not always honest with one another. She posed the following question: who is the better friend, the person who tells you the truth because she wants the best for you? Or the person who withholds the truth to keep you from feeling badly about yourself?

This got me thinking about how I am in these kinds of situations. When I’m talking with a woman friend (or with anyone, for that matter) I try to see what’s really needed at the time and then respond. Case in point: a close friend of mine recently published her first romance novel on Kindle. She had worked on it—and had been telling me about it—for years. After reading it I knew that she was waiting to hear what I thought. So, I told her how reading it was a terrific experience for me: how the lover in the story reminded me of an old boyfriend, and that the story’s ending was such a surprise and made me think about my relationship with my husband. It wan’t the right time for a critique (and she didn’t ask for one.) If she ever does, I will tell her my thoughts in the most sensitive way because, as a writer, I know how it feels to have my writing criticized.

Now, I admit to not always following my own good advice, that I, too, have been guilty of “making nice.” Still, I think it’s always best to check in with ourselves and see what is truly needed at the time. Then we’ll always be speaking our truth.

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Gail Harris Author