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Follow your gut when your head is screaming otherwise.

October 27, 2013

Recently, I made a decision to do something very scary for me. Since then I’ve felt a dread that has given me headaches, stomachaches, and constipation. The voices in my head have been screaming, “Are you nuts, or just the most irresponsible person alive?” I’m constantly justifying my decision to the part of myself that is scared s***less. Yet, whenever I check back inside myself, I get a definite yes. It’s been hard, but this has helped: Whenever I renew my decision, I remember that I am choosing for this moment—and this moment only. I may need to choose, again, in a month, a week, an hour or a second, but each moment is new so I must choose anew, and not do something just because I did it before. Holding an intention to experience each moment of our lives isn’t easy, but when we do, making a mistake isn’t even an option. It’s like, you’ve got a Mac but it’s a Windows app. You just switch courses, that’s all. It isn’t easy, but it’s not about being perfect just holding an intention.

For me, not worrying about making a mistake is like being let out of prison; it allows me to get in touch with what I truly need, whether it’s to eat burritos, work, or get married. It also reminds me that the part of me that is scared is not who I really am; who I really am is really quite joyful, and trusts.

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